omg hi friends

dude, posting on this blog and telling people about it and knowing they’re gonna look at it is terrifying. i’ve seen so many of my friends already following and liking posts on here and stuff; let me just say, ohmygodiloveyouguyssomuchitmeanstheworldtomethatyouwannareadthis andseewhat’sgoingoninmylifeughthankyouiloveyou<3

well, i have a job interview for a potential second job today! i’m super excited. it’s just at a printing shop, but it’ll be nice because 1) more moneyyy because they pay more than minimum wage (!!!) and 2) it’s a change of pace. despite what my boyfriend and his older brother keep telling me, i’m not planning on leaving dutch anytime soon. i love it there. i really wanna grow and become a shift lead there, but hiring for that position will only open up if someone leaves:/ and i currently love all of the shift leads at my stand btw, so i’m torn as to whether or not i should be excited about the potential of moving up.

i’m confident in my abilities as a broista (we do actually use that term to describe ourselves lol it’s cute) and i know i’d make a great shift lead- i have no doubts about that. it’s the getting there part that i struggle with. it’s probably just my general insecurity that’s holding me back, and the more i look at this all objectively, the clearer that’s becoming to me. i tend to do things to self-sabotage, especially when the pressure is on me to perform well. when i applied last time, i didn’t actually apply myself to the hiring process. sure, i’m a strong broista, sure, i’m killer with my customer service skills, and again, sure, i’m fast and make great drinks and always put the customer first. but in the moment where i sat down and shot my one-minute video (which is the way you have to apply for shift lead), i floundered.

for someone who spent all of high school doing theater, let me tell you that it was not good. i was sitting on my bed, bare-faced and about to leave for work. i wasn’t confident. there was no passion to my voice. there was no big energy. i seem how i felt in that video: nervous, lacking self-confidence, and uncomfortable.

here’s the real kicker: if you know me as a person, you know that generally my outward demeanor is the exact opposite of how i appeared in that video. it was also the exact opposite of how i felt about applying! i was so fricken excited to have the opportunity to be a shift lead! i’m so laid back when it comes to talking to people, i’m usually pretty externally confident, and i’m driven and hard-working. i sabotaged myself because of my fear of follow-through and rejection. i should have done better, and i knew that from the moment i sent my boss the video.

honestly, i wish i could just do it all over again.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that i just hope i can stick to my guns enough to make it into a shift lead position. also, i hope that i don’t sabotage myself with this potential job. already, i haven’t picked out a professional(ish) outfit, and i still haven’t showered since i woke up an hour ago lol. to be fair, i don’t even have to leave for another hour and a half, so i think i’ll be okay. but i digress. i guess cameo’s lesson of the day is don’t be a dummy and sabotage yourself out of the things you actually really want in life, because you end up looking back and resenting yourself for not doing a better job. nobody wants that, right?

anyway, i hope you liked reading this morning’s edition of my internal monologue! i should probably go get ready for this interview, so wish me luck! oh, btw i posted the first chapter to this fanfic i’m writing! it’s on my writing page so if you have 10 minutes, go check it out and let me know what you think pls:) i promise, i do my best to make my fanfics not cringy lol (tbh idk if i spelled cringy right. cringy? cringey? when u write a word out enough it stops making sense lol). okay, thanks for reading! love you! have a good day!:)

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